The Fatuous Mind of Allah

Abul Kasem

In Islam, it is compulsory for all Muslims to believe that Allah has written every word in the Qur'an. If any Muslim denies this, he/she is a blasphemer and is subject to harsh punishment which might include beheading. Nevertheless, if anyone reads the Qur'an seriously and with an open mind he/she will be stunned at the ambiguous, contradictory and erroneous verses buried inside this Holy Scripture. Many verses in the Qur'an clearly tell us that those words cannot be the words of Allah.

In this essay, we shall witness how silly Allah could be when He wrote the Qur'an.

Allah praises, thanks, and blesses Himself

Let us consider the following hilarious situations:

Jesus Christ blessing Jesus Christ
Kali Mata (a Hindu goddess) praising Kali Mata
Ganesh (another Hindu god) thanking Ganesh
Lord Buddha praising Lord Buddha
Nelson Mandela blessing Nelson Mandela
Hitler thanking Hitler
Radovan Kardzic praising Radovan Karadzic
George Bush blessing George Bush
Barack Obama praising Barak Obama
Osama bin Ladin thanking Osama bin Ladin
Hilary Clinton blessing Hilary Clinton
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad praising Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Indira Gandhi blessing Indira Gandhi
Karl Marx thanking Karl Marx
Vladimir Putin praising Vladimir Putin
Sir Winston Churchill blessing Sir Winston Churchill
……..and so on.

We might consider the above citations absurd, illogical, silly and dim witted. We might even say those who pronounce or write such passages are insane/mad, and must be relegated to mental asylums. But hang on, Allah the presumed author of the Qur’an precisely does so. Here are few verses from Sura Kahf (tr. Hilali and Khan) where Allah unabashedly praises Allah.

18:1 All the praises and thanks be to Allah, Who has sent down to His slave (Muhammad) the Book (the Qur’an), and has not placed therein any crookedness.
18:2 (He has made it) Straight to give warning (to the disbelievers) of a severe punishment from Him, and to give glad tidings to the believers (in the Oneness of Allâh Islâmic Monotheism), who work righteous deeds, that they shall have a fair reward (i.e. Paradise).
18:3 They shall abide therein forever

If we were to make any sense from the above verses, we may conclude:

Muhammad or another person/entity is the author of these verses.

Had Allah said those verses to Muhammad then Allah must had been drunk or under the influence of a strong drug.

Allah must be the resident of a mental asylum.

Here are a few more verses (tr. Hilali and Khan) to amuse the readers.

25:1 Blessed be He Who sent down the criterion (of right and wrong, i.e. this Qur'ân) to His slave (Muhammad) that he may be a warner to the 'Alamîn (mankind and jinns).
34:1 All the praises and thanks be to Allâh, to Whom belongs all that is in the heavens and all that is in the earth. His is all the praises and thanks in the Hereafter, and He is the All¬Wise, the All¬Aware.
35:1 All the praises and thanks be to Allâh, the (only) Originator [or the (only) Creator] of the heavens and the earth, Who made the angels messengers with wings, - two or three or four. He increases in creation what He wills. Verily, Allâh is Able to do all things.
37:182 And all the praise and thanks be to Allah, Lord of the ‘Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists.
45:36 So all the praises and thanks are to Allâh, the Lord of the heavens and the Lord of the earth, and the Lord of the 'Alamîn (mankind, jinns and all that exists).

In the above verses, Allah is praising and blessing Allah.

Readers should note that at the beginning of those verses Allah did not ask Muhammad to utter the Arabic word ‘kul’ (read). Thus, we may conclude that Muhammad or another entity is speaking in those verses.

If we were to believe that Allah is the only author of the Qur'an, we must conclude that Allah’s silliness has no bound.

Allah says Insha Allah (if Allah wills)

In Sura Kahf (sura 18) Allah narrated to Muhammad the story of sleepers. Previously, the Jews had enquired of Muhammad if he had any idea about a few biblical stories. Muhammad was perplexed, as he had no idea of what the Jews were talking. He requested two weeks (approximately) of reprieve to find the answer, assuring that his Allah will provide the correct response. Two weeks passed. Muhammad was still reticent. The Jews understood the depth of Allah’s intellectual competence. Then, after a long delay, Allah purportedly narrated the story as written in Sura Kahf. In verse 18:23 24. Muhammad complained to Allah for his (Allah’s) delay. Allah admonished Muhammad for not saying ‘Insha Allah’ when talking with the Jewish Rabbis.

Here are those verses (tr. Hilali and Khan):

18:23 And never say of anything, "I shall do such and such thing tomorrow."
18:24 Except (with the saying), "If Allâh will!" And remember your Lord when you forget and say: "It may be that my Lord guides me unto a nearer way of truth than this."

In Sura al Kalam (sura 68) Allah tells the story of the people of the garden who boasted about the harvest of their garden, but forgot to mention “Insha Allah” when they intended to pick the fruits. Because of forgetting ‘Insha Allah’, when they entered their garden in the morning, they found their garden ruined.

Let us read these verses:

68:17 Verily, We have tried them as We tried the people of the garden, when they swore to pluck the fruits of the (garden) in the morning,
68:18 Without saying: Inshâ' Allâh (If Allâh will).
68:19 Then there passed by on the (garden) something (fire) from your Lord at night and burnt it while they were asleep.
68:20 So the (garden) became black by the morning, like a pitch dark night (in complete ruins).

Amazingly, Allah Himself says “Insha Allah” in the following verses (tr. Hilali and Khan):

48:27 Indeed Allâh shall fulfil the true vision which He showed to His Messenger [i.e. the Prophet saw a dream that he has entered Makkah along with his companions, having their (head) hair shaved and cut short] in very truth. Certainly, you shall enter Al¬Masjid¬al¬Harâm; if Allâh wills, secure, (some) having your heads shaved, and (some) having your head hair cut short, having no fear. He knew what you knew not, and He granted besides that a near victory.

In the above verse, Allah clearly chants “Insha Allah”. If we have any doubt, we might consider the Arabic Qur’an. It is there in Arabic, the word ‘Insha Allah”. Here is the transliteration of verse 48:27:

Laqad sadaqa Allahu rasoolahu alrru/ya bialhaqqi latadkhulunna almasjida alharama in shaa Allahu amineena muhalliqeena ruoosakum wamuqassireena la takhafoona faAAalima ma lam taAAlamoo fajaAAala min dooni thalika fathan qareeban. (Note: thebold emphasis is mine)

To hide Allah’s inanity and silliness, Maududi writes the following comment on this verse:

Here, about the words insha'-Allah (if Allah so wills), which Allah Himself has used with His promise, one can raise the objection that when Allah Himself is making this promise, what is the meaning of making it conditional upon His own willing it? The answer is: Here the words insha'-Allah have not been used in the sense that if AIlah dces not will, He will not fulfil His promise, but in fact these relate to the background in which this promise was made…(commentary number 48/48).

I could not make any head or tail from the above commentary of Maududi. Perhaps, Allah Himself will not understand either.



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